20 degrees of Kevin Ba… I mean mom

This post is not my typical storytelling post.

My mother turns …. today. I am very lucky that I got to see her less than 2 weeks before her birthday, even while I am frolicking abroad. She is an incredible and inspiring woman, and I want to dedicate this post to sharing some of my most “mom” memories.

1. We grew up not being allowed to say “Butt” or “Shut up” (or obviously anything worse than that), so we would have to yell, “Mooommmm, Kathleen said the shut word!” (obviously it was Kathleen). Then years later as swearing was becoming more acceptable, I think I almost laughed in shock when I first heard mom use the word “bitch” hahaha.

2. We also grew up being told on beautiful summer days when we were inside that, “It’s too nice out, you should be outside frolicking!”

3. She was the one that allowed my entry into coffee addiction. I remember in high school when I first started staying up late to finish homework, I would leave a note in front of my mom’s bedroom door so that she would see it when she headed downstairs. The note would request that she make an extra cup of coffee and probably asked her to wake me up because I knew I wouldn’t get up to my alarm. It started out as an every now and then thing when I had a big paper or project due, and quickly grew to every morning. Soon having our morning coffee together while watching the news was a most favored tradition that to this day is one of my favorite things to do when I am visiting.

4. On that same note, even in college when I was up late and had something I NEEDED to get up early for and was afraid I would sleep through my alarm, I would send her a text requesting a wake up call when she got up. She would do it without question. I’m sure I only made it to a few tests and meetings etc. because of her.

5. She used to let me help grade math papers of her students (4th and 5th grade) or help prep school stuff over the summer or help her put mulch in the garden or whatever at a rate of $5/hr. Very fair salary.

6. Before she went back to teaching, she did whatever she needed to bring in some extra cash (though as a kid, I never really thought of it that way, it was just… a job) But she worked at TGI Fridays and was a night shelf stocker at Kohl’s. She never turned down a challenge… unless it was returning a piece of clothing. That’s just crazy ;-)

7. When I was younger and would have a bad dream or couldn’t sleep, I would grab my blanket and a pillow, and go sleep on the floor next to my parent’s bed on my mom’s side. Most of the time I didn’t even wake her up when I walked in, she would just wake up later and find me sound asleep there. As I got older, this happened less frequently, but even in high school I would occasionally go sleep IN my mom’s bed if I couldn’t quiet my mind or felt scared or worried. Her presence has always brought a calm and comfort that I cannot explain, and had no shame in exploiting when I couldn’t get to sleep :-)

8. I have been told countless times in my life that I look or sound “SO” much like my mom, but my favorite was in 7th grade. Mom had come to Blueberry Park to pick me up after… 4th of July? Some sort of summer festival or event. I am pretty sure she was not planning on it, but 2 or 3 of my friends hopped in the car as well requesting a ride home. Luckily they lived near us so it wasn’t a big deal ha. Anyway, we were in the line to get out of the parking lot, and mom and I were laughing at something, and Danny Cavanaugh, sitting in the back seat, sat wide-eyed and said, “Wow, you guys have the exact same laugh.” Which made us laugh harder and continue to creep him out because he said we were so alike :-)

9. I have such a clear image of walking down to the basement and seeing mom on the Nordic Track what felt like every night. When I got older and started looking for ways to get in shape etc., I thought, “Mom uses this all the time, I’ll try it out.” And the first time I tried it I was so uncoordinated and found it so difficult that I’m pretty sure I broke it, stepped off, and never tried again. Don’t know how she did it.

10. When I lived at home, we always had shows we would watch together. Biggest Loser. Grey’s Anatomy. But most the important one was Gilmore Girls. I think we started watching it when it debuted in 2000, but the last 2 or 3 seasons came out when mom and I were living just us two, and we obviously watched reruns as they came on. The relationship portrayed in this show resonated so strongly with our own friendship. I recently finished rewatching the entire series (including the 2016 mini-season… took me about 2 years to get through it all), and there were so many moments that made me cry simply because it made me feel like I was back in high school having dramatic relationships with boys and friends and crying on my mom’s shoulder.

11. She literally let me have ice cream for dinner on multiple occasions.

12. Speaking of food- So my family has a banana bread recipe that we love to make that is actually a yeast bread. So basically it is not the meatloaf-pan type banana bread you see in most places, but it looks like a round loaf of white bread… but banana. And it’s amazing. Especially when the middle is just a littttlllleeee gooey. Mmmm. Anyway. So my mom would make 2 loaves of banana bread every now and then. After they cooled they would sit in ziploc bags on the counter, and we would grab a chunk and eat it as a snack or dessert even. One time after dinner I was in the kitchen getting a drink or something, and I saw the banana bread and just could not resist. There was just one big chunk left, and I wanted some of it. I opened the bag and ripped the chunk into two pieces. It came out unevenly so one piece was larger than the other. I took the larger piece. When I came back out to the living room, I regaled my mother with the tale of two banana bread halves. Her response? “That’s my girl” :-)

13. In my senior year of high school, I had a really bad day. Like. Really, really, really bad. Like still a top 3 worst days of my life. One of those days where I absolutely did not want go home, and without asking, I walked in the door and mom had already made a pot of tea and was ready to sit and comfort me on the couch. No yelling. No shame. No guilt. No condescending lecture. Just tea and love. That moment was pretty quintessential mom.

14. When Kathleen and Mel had officially moved out, and took their closets with them, I started borrowing mom’s clothes :-) (Yes, yes, Mel and Kath, I know I know, I didn’t so much borrow your clothes as I did steal them from your closets without asking… whatever… details)

15. My sophomore year of college was my first year being involved with BuckeyeThon as a committee member. As a way of motivating our dancers we found a way (I can’t quite remember how) to get in touch with folks' parents (or emergency contacts more likely) and offer them a chance to write a letter which would be given to the dancers DURING Dance Marathon. In my head I was not a dancer, I was on the committee, so I never thought that I would be included in that endeavor. We get maybe halfway through and they do “mail call” and my name gets called. Curious, I walk over and find an entire stack of mail. Not only had my mom written the most heart-warming letter, but she had gotten most of my family and other close friends to write letters as well. When you are tired and stressed from day to day college life plus doing everything you can to make an event a success and raise as much money as you can FTK and now you’ve been on your feet for hours and hours running around, and you stop for just a moment and read the most encouraging and supportive and loving letters you may ever receive… it is impossible to describe how full my heart was in that moment. For those of you who wrote some of those letters, I still have them in a memory box somewhere back at home.

16. When I was a junior in college, I spent a weekend in an ugly and difficult breakup with my first college boyfriend. I had wanted out, but it did not make it any less painful so it really put me in a depressed state for a few weeks. It just so happened that mom and Bob had gotten engaged probably the same weekend. So every time my mom called, I started babbling and crying and focusing 100% on myself and my problems and my heartache, and she let me. She was there for me. Finally weeks and weeks and weeks later (or so it felt), she called one day (finally a little peeved at me as she should have been hahah) and finally said, “Leslie! I’m engaged!” imagine that followed by a “goddamnit!” and you’ll get the tone haha. Woops.

17. The time was October of 2015. The place was Ocracoke. Matt and I had taken a HUGE leap of faith and decided that we would go BIG or go home when having our parents meet. We not only chose to spend an entire weekend together upon first meeting, but we chose a location that was difficult to leave if something went awry AND where Matt and I would be the last to arrive due to work schedules….. But I gotta say, high risk high reward. We show up maybe around 8 or 9pm to the hotel, and mom, Bob, Amy, and Lester are all many drinks deep out on the front porch, cooler sitting conveniently right next to the benches. Mom and Amy run up to our car with their arms around each other, both very excited for our arrival and very excited about their newfound friendship. It was the most ridiculous and wonderful moment.

18. Just a few short months ago, Matt and I were preparing to close on our house, move into it, and then move me to Italy all within a week. She came to visit just to get some last time with me in the states before I left but ended up being invaluable in getting a good chunk of our house packed up. We had a great system of wrapping glasses and plates and taping up boxes. She didn’t get to see the inside of the new house (October 5th, I know mom), but she is still a part of our house-buying and moving story, and I love that.

19. And of course, most recently, as you may have read in my post last week, we got to spend a weekend together in Italy. It was so special to have mom and Bob visit me in Italy and get that memory together. We had an amazing time out at dinners in Milan and exploring Varenna. All of the beauty and culture and good food aside, though, one of my favorite moments from the whole weekend was when mom and I walked to my laundromat Sunday night together to get a little time just us two. It would have been better if we could have had a glass of wine and sat on couches instead of a hard bench, but we got to walk and sit and talk and just be together.

20. When I was I guess 15, we drove to Fort Wayne (right?) to see the Radfords to work on some of Melanie’s wedding planning. It was also right around mom’s birthday, or maybe ON her birthday, so one of the nights we decided to go out and celebrate. We went to a Mexican food joint where the adults imbibed in some HUGE margaritas. If you know my mother, you know she is a bit of a lightweight (we DID get drunk off of just two Christmas Ale’s one time), but I also think these margaritas were strong. It resulted in my mom wearing a big sombrero, drunk dialing people from the car, and walking around a Walmart for something to buy that would “make her beautiful.” We also ended up buying her a ribbon that said it was her “Special Day.” That is a night she shall never live down and I hope to re-live many times more.

Basically what all of this comes down to is that my mother is a saint. She is a beautiful and strong woman that I am so proud to be compared to in any way and even better to be her daughter. I would not even be close to the human I am today without her friendship, love, and support through my 28.5 years of life. I have always known that I can do anything I put my mind to because she was there believing in me. I am so proud of all that she has done with her life- she had an amazing career as an elementary school teacher (among other things), she has endured hard times and found beauty and happiness wherever she could, she has found new interests and hobbies in retirement and has focused on travel and family with her extra time, and most prominently she raised 3 beautiful, strong, and loving (if I do say so myself) daughters.

Mom. I love you. I am you. I raise an italian wine glass in your honor today and wish you all of the Special Days that life can offer. Happy Birthday!

See you soon!