Channeling Ice Cube… because Today was a Good Day

It is Monday. It is the start of week 2 of work. It is my 10th full day of this adventure.

You may not have seen it if this blog has been my main communication with you, but I’ve honestly been feeling quite down recently, at least relative to my baseline which is pretty positive and enthusiastic. The stresses of the last few weeks (yes, even before I left) have been a lot to bear. I have put a load of self-inflicted pressure on myself to see Milan as both a new home and a 6 month vacation. For those who may not travel for work much, let me tell you that this is difficult to do.

When I have had spurts of frequent work travel previously, and was gone for more than a week or two, if I didn’t find a way to make that location my temporary “home” it was exhausting and depressing. It is difficult for me to eat out every meal, sleep in a bed that’s not mine, live out of a suitcase, and not be around the people I love for long periods of time. On the other hand, when you view something as “home” you may not appreciate it as new and exciting in the same way you view vacation spots. So, for example, when I was traveling to Philadelphia for 2 weeks a month for 5 months, I made it my second home. I got groceries, I got my workouts in, I went to bed at a reasonable time, but I also didn’t explore Philadelphia that much. I’ve seen a few of the features now, but I essentially stuck to my office and my hotel with an occasional happy hour out. It’s a balancing act.

So. Here. In MILAN. I knew I was going to be gone for a long time and would NEED to see this place as home. I needed to bring pictures of friends and find the grocery store and quickly find my routine. In the exact same breath, though, I need to see everything I possibly can in Milan. I need to see everything I possibly can in Italy. I need to see everything I possibly can in Europe, because when on EARTH am I going to have this opportunity again? And in my head I kept hearing this voice saying that if I was not getting the most out of every second of my time here, then I was not only failing myself, but failing everyone who is watching. Everyone who is expecting me to have a romantic 6 months where I come back more cultured and enlightened (again, completely including myself). These conflicting and overwhelming thoughts combined with the almost non-stop rain that has fallen since I landed in Milan led to pressure and anxiety and sadness. Just being honest here.

Yesterday was a thunderstorm culmination of these emotions as I went to tour the Duomo di Milano. This church is one of the biggest and most beautiful architectural masterpieces of Milan and is completely worth the wait for anyone visiting...if the weather is right. I had gotten my motivation and enthusiasm back up Sunday enough to take the train to the Duomo with determination. It was raining, but it wasn’t going to deter me. I was going to push through! Persist! I get there, I buy my ticket, and I wait. And I wait. And I wait in line. For over 2 hours. In the pouring rain and 50 degree weather. Of course without the appropriate attire. My fingers and toes were going numb. I was freezing, bored, alone, and miserable. Even when I got inside, I knew I was seeing something special, and I could barely appreciate it.

I get home, I thaw out, I talk to mom, and then I spend almost 3 hours talking to Matt. In the last 20-30 minutes, I broke, and with a few simple words that I could only believe from my other half, he changed my perspective. I’m doing Ok. I’m figuring it out. I JUST got here. I MOVED to Milan and need to find my home aspect before I can find my vacation aspect. I have every right to be proud of myself just for going to Duomo or going to the grocery store. I’m doing Ok.

And just like that, today was a good day. The rain stopped (for the moment at least), my mindset was shifted, and I was able to appreciate the small things and enthusiastically embrace the scary things. I had lunch with a group of folks I hadn’t met before, and we talked the whole time. They even complimented me on my Italian accent ;-) I felt on top of my game and courageous. I felt appreciative for the train that took me to work and the caffe lungo that started my day. Most importantly, though- I won the grocery store! I weighed my avocado ahead of time and bought two perfectly non-American cork plugged wine bottles. Forgot to weigh my bananas, but… who’s counting?

Now with my found-again excitement and positivity, and my never-ending love and gratitude for having Matt in my life to remind me of it when I have forgotten, I am looking back at my photos of the Duomo, and I am amazed. I absolutely cannot wait to go back on a sunny and warm day to view the archaeological site below and the the view from the roof!

See you soon!